"Wait, we're allowed to wear that?"

Business casual is my sworn enemy.

Yes, this title quote is real.

No, it is not pre-19th amendment (yes, I googled this! sue me!)

I’m not sure she was entirely serious, but the look on her face sure as hell was. The conversation continued…

Me: “We can wear whatever we want, no?”
Her: “Yeah, I’ve just been… doing this so long, I never thought about it.”
Me: “That man is wearing a polo shirt, lululemon athletic pants disguised as slacks, and literal running sneakers. Just saying.”

Happy to report that she went up to her room and grabbed her sneakers. Slay.

Allow me to set the scene - we’re at a 3 day trade show. Wake up at 6am. Breakfast meeting at 7am. Coffee meeting at 8am. Trade show floor at 9am. Chat for 3+ hours with complete strangers. Elevator pitch. Elevator pitch. Circle back. Here’s my card. Elevator pitch. “Lunch” meeting at 1pm (lunch is coffee, or a very sad pastry. Good luck if you have food allergies, I pray you have a power bar in your purse.) 10k steps so far. Back to trade show floor. Elevator pitch. Elevator pitch. Omg, great to see you again, how’s your dog doing? Happy hour. Dinner meeting. After dinner drinks. Inappropriate pass from a man 20 years your senior. 20k steps. Disassociate on the spare full bed in your hotel room (the “clothes bed”, not the “sleep bed”). Force yourself to take makeup off and shower. Get into bed at midnight. Set 6am alarm. REPEAT. REPEAT AGAIN.

I’ll die on the hill that trade shows and conferences are inhumane. We are not meant to socialize like that. I shouldn’t be catatonic after 3 days of “work” and then have to go back to ACTUAL WORK and catch up on everything I missed. It’s sweaty, then it’s chilly, the lights are fluorescent (not-so-shocking reveal: I hate the Big Light), there is literally no healthy food or decent coffee (god forbid you don’t drink caffeine.) The water bottles are DASANI!!!!! The hotel and the conference are a mile apart. And the price on these shows? Sheesh! Highway robbery, especially for small brands. My startup tenure is showing. I digress. I’m sure plenty of people make plenty of amazing things happen at these shows (and plenty of married people do plenty of questionable things, but that’s tea for another substack.) Even I have had good things come from these experiences. But the truth stands: it’s exhausting. And by the way, you’re usually in fucking Orlando (and if you’re lucky, Vegas. But not fun Vegas, so don’t wager your life on anything because you’re not that lucky.)

So, not only am I supposed to become a glorified pitch robot for 3 days, but I’m supposed to do that in a pencil skirt and heels? A BLOUSE? I’m supposed to represent my brand, and myself, in absolutely ridiculous conditions (of course, first world problems and I recognize that WHOLEHEARTEDLY), while doing physical and emotional labor, while WEARING A PENCIL SKIRT AND A BLOUSE? BFFR. This hips were not made for pencil skirts, and these hips do not lie. These hips actually really hurt. My calves, too.

As I looked down the long barrel of 4 trade shows in 6 months (I shudder at the thought), debuting not only a new brand but myself as a young CEO with absolutely no credentials (not true, but felt true)…I was gutted. Literally on the verge of tears and in serious denial. I didn’t want to do it. Nothing about it sounded appealing to this mostly-introverted, creative, fashion girlie. But I had to find the courage. And when you don’t wanna do it, sometimes.. just sometimes, your outfit can do it for you.

I’m curvy, I’m tall (proudly grew an inch sometime in my 20s - I credit pilates but DON’T tell the boys this!), I sweat a lot.. like a LOT, I hate the feeling of polyester on my skin, I prefer things to be oversized or stretchy, my tummy hurts when I wear high-waisted pants for too long, and headbands give me a headache (I have a huge head, and my best friends knew I was going to say this before I said it.) With SOME exception, a lot of business casual isn’t designed for curves or the modern woman. It’s designed for slender women who don’t sweat (god bless u), or it’s designed around the concept of a curvy woman without seemingly consulting any curvy women whatsoever. I’m glad this landscape is somewhat changing in fashion overall, but there are a lot of obstacles for women trying to get dressed for work.

So, I located a pair of loose trousers from Abercromie (did you know they make actual human sizes now? Crazy!), some knit capris from Ref (the only thing worth buying from the Reformation sale but ONLY at 70% off - don’t play with me rn), packed every plain cotton tee I owned (RE/DONE mens are my fave), and threw two vintage, very oversized men’s blazers in my bag. I opted for a neutral, shorter nail, as my acrylics at the time were often shaded neon and/or chrome and too long to confidently set up a trade show booth - but I added some sparkle to make sure I still felt like myself. My nail tech and I call this the boring era. (T, I love you. I’m so glad we survived this time in our lives lmao.) And the shoes? Fresh panda dunks (the year was 2021) and a pair of blush, leather, I-forget-the-style Nikes. Everything kinda went with everything, and I packed a simple, vintage, black dress and a mule in case I was blessed enough to see my room between daytime and dinner. Hair was done (straightened to the gods & down to my ass was my only vibe at the time), winged eyeliner was on, lips were LINED AND GLOSSED, rings stacked and gold chains polished. And there I was. Still me, just The Trade Show Edit.

Safe to say, the ladies were flocking to me (I bet the creepy men who aren’t reading this are so jealous.) “Where did you get that blazer, omg I love your outfit, those shoes look so cute with your look.” Bliss!!!!!! And there I was, at an animal health conference, talking fashion, comfort, womanhood, and authenticity in personal style (shocking that I ended up here, huh?) I can’t give you the link to this blazer because it’s vintage, but I’ll tell you where I got it and let you know how to pick one that works for you. Maybe these shoes aren’t your style, but let’s see what works with your existing wardrobe. Let’s get those 20k steps in and feel GOOD about it, rather than walking like a baby deer tomorrow.

Not surprisingly (because girls are smart and we know what comes from bonding with one another), those were the interactions that actually led to something meaningful, both at my job and in my personal life. And I had my own moth to flame moments, with women who were doing it long enough and loud enough that I couldn’t help but gravitate to them. They serve as an inspiration to me to this day, not because I really liked their stack of turquoise & silver necklaces paired chic Ralph Lauren wealthy horse woman attire (but omg did I LOVE that vibe), but because they were THEMSELVES. In every room, there THEY were. Not pretending to be anyone else, not letting conference logistics lead them astray, not copying and pasting the same Banana Republic skirt suit and heels. Those were the most successful women in the room, and in life. And it wasn’t about income, budget, age, or size. It was about confidence and authenticity.

And hey, maybe you rock the pencil skirt and heels. And to that I say, GOD BLESS!!!!! It’s not about hating business casual (I do), it’s about doing what WORKS FOR YOU. And having the confidence to do so. If you feel like a baddie in that skirt suit, I am here for it. But if that shit doesn’t work for you, say farewell (no really, like take your business casual shit you don’t wear and DONATE it - there are women who do want and need it). I’m not saying show up as an office siren and lose your job (lol, I haven’t seen the pics but I just know she looked hot af), but I’m encouraging you to pause, consider what you WANT to wear, and what you DON’T WANT TO WEAR, and find yourself in the process. It’s not easy (I can help) and it’s a lot of trial and error. And I know that a lot of this can come off vain, but I think “vain” is a really nasty word used to keep women “in their place.” I want you to find empowerment in your clothes, through an authentic and creative connection to what you’re wearing. We’re not copying and pasting, we’re getting inspired. We’re not throwing our wardrobes out, we’re styling them. We’re NOT walking a mile in those Louboutins, unless we want to (and I know someone who does and she is a fucking queen). We are paying ourselves the respect of wearing what we want, and finding our creativity and ourselves in the process. And I don’t want to hear “I’m not creative” - find your creativity and find a new channel of happiness. Trust me.

Corporate girlies, non-corporate girlies - hit me up to join the journey to finding new parts of yourself within your style. Let me dress you for a trade show, a keynote speech, casual fridays, not-so-casual Monday through Thursdays, my weekend warriors. You know where to find me (here or IG @alexandra.wakim).

And yes, the featured image is from that trade show LOL.